Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
