remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
