youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
