At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
