Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I love having hate sex.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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