i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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