You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
