i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
