I'm pants shitting drunk right now
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
