I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
