So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
