I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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