It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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