it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
