a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
