and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
where am i from again
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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