guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just cropdusted the office
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
