I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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