its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
