You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
