the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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