and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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