Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
