I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
