mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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