I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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