Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
