My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
