my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
