Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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