I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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