I wannas sexs uuuuu
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
