I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
