Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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