You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you would pick up someone in the library
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
