I faked an abortion last night.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
