Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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