my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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