you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
