we have officially lost it.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Randomize
