i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
