i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
