Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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