We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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