I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
