I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
