Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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