I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
