shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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