I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
