highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just found puke in my bra..
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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