This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's rum buckets o'clock
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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