I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
